This is the final Promos By Hyphen column. When I first started, this wasn’t called Promos By Hyphen and it was only because Mike Asti needed a new wrestling writer for BDL Sports that I even started writing about the WWE on a (semi) monthly basis.
Sup, dorks? Lightning Round disclaimer stuff.
You know the MAIN reason I don’t take/post pictures of my food on social media? Well the SECOND to main reason? I can’t deal when people say the same cliche ass, “Where my plate what?” or when you go to a restaurant, “Aw no invite?” NO, NO INVITE! I get that you’re joking, in the event you aren’t, you’re a dick for making my comments awkward and making me confront the fact I don’t like you enough to think to invite you to places with me. The number one reason I don’t photograph food is that I think it’s stupid.
Whatever happened to Kat Stacks(z)? Don’t bother answering that. It was a rhetorical question.
I wonder how I used to be able to drink the way I did. I was a tank. I didn’t have a problem though. There were plenty of nights I refused the sauce, but when I parTOOK? I could put it away. We drank like Vikings!
What would you HONESTLY do if somebody slapped you with a glove because you offended their honor?
Remember last week when we discussed entrance themes? Add Razor Ramon’s theme as the last song at prom or the song the DJ played for Ladies’ Choice.
I gotta redo my whole top 10 list of Cartoon chicks I’d Cool World with. Michiko Malandro is kind of close to the top of the new countdown. She’s what would happen if Spike Speigel and Faye Valentine had a baby and then dipped her in sweet, sweet chocolate. They sweet chocolate became a smooth living skin. This is getting weird. Anyway, I love a cartoon now. You cannot judge me.
I want to set the record straight, guys. A lot of times people will bring up some delicious meal full of fat and cheese and calories and salt and sauce and I will quietly retch. I might make a face or stick my tongue out to gag. It’s not that I don’t think I wouldn’t enjoy said cheesy, salty, saucy food. No, certainly not. It would prance upon my tastebuds as a playful pixie skips across a pond full of lilypads. I’m thinkin of the next day–NAY, the moments following the meal, my body will make me pay dearly.
If you’re an adult and you have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), you need to be honest with yourself and just admit you’re envious of other people and the good times they’re having without you. It’s kind of childish to think you have to be in on everything. Besides, don’t we have to have something ELSE to fear in these times?
Woody was messed up in the first Toy Story. If he had a chance to be redeemed, then there had to be a chance for Sid to turn his life around. I like to think that he got it together. I hope he doesn’t become a garbage man as a way to punish him. There’s nothing shameful about being a civil servant. Plus, I’m sure he made a decent living.
Lastly, I recently picked up the book Pigs in the Parlor. While I’ve never come off as the “religious type” whatever that’s supposed to mean, I’ve never been one to shy away from a good conversation on spirits,principalities and entities. It’s very heavy stuff, but basically it breaks down how to deal with demons and negative spirits. Your own self-doubt would be a demon. A lot of things that we think are all in our heads, are a result of something that we may or may not have let into our spirits whether we meant to or not. My mother warned me as a teenager to guard my own spirit against things of the occult, worldly things that would creep into my psyche and of course the negativity of other people. I haven’t read a word in this book that I disagree with yet. It could be a little scary to look a lot of this stuff in the eye. It’s a lot easier to ignore it and say it doesn’t exist. I want you to notice how many movies that have come out in the last 5 years alone are based around Satanic items and haunted evil grounds. Google a couple of these events. See where this stuff is based. There’s no need to wear a hockey mask anymore. The script is telling you who the star of the show is now. I find most of these films to be trash anyway. But I’ll look some of this stuff up just to let Satan know, “Yeah. I see you.” Honestly, if you want to see a Biblical bad-ass, read up on the Apostle Paul. He had demons running scared. Check him out.
Alright Kiddies. I’m done for now, but not for later. Got some stuff coming down the pipe (pike? Like turnpike?) that I’m very excited for. Met some new people who can teach me new things that will make our media a little more multi. Got some exciting life events in the works as well so as soon as I have news, you will know. Thanks for supporting the Lightning Round and well…me as a person, friend and family member. I love you guys more than you’ll ever be comfortable with.
By Jacob Slater
Or, Let’s Go To Anime Prison!
There’s something beautiful about Riki-Oh. Is it dumb? Certainly, as only those hyper-violent action manga of the 80s could be; where all futures are dystopian and all the protagonists have the personality of a particularly dull rock. However, it is exactly that quality of ‘dumb’ which, when transplanted wholesale into a live-action film which makes it shine. The ridiculously melodramatic characters, the charnel house gore that is figuratively poured into almost every scene, it all comes together into a wonderfully unique package that manages to straddle the line between exemplifying Takajo and Tetsuya’s work and satirizing that entire era of manga. Intentionally or unintentionally though, I can’t say. The English dub would definitely support the latter.
By Jacob Slater
Or, If You’re Gonna Spy, Spy Hard
Whether you’re a huge fan of the long-running James Bond movie series or only became aware of it through the success of the Daniel Craig films, it’s important to establish that by the mid 80s the franchise needed a bit of retooling. The last 007 film, A View To A Kill, starring Roger Moore, had been an inglorious end to a controversial era in the super spy’s history. While Moore wasn’t an unacceptable iteration of James Bond (and I’m sure a true Bond fan can name some of his crowning moments), his legacy is marred by a level of excess that comes off as rather farcical in retrospect, even for a series that has a secret agent going around telling people his real name. James Bond literally dressing up as a clown that one time probably didn’t help either. We did get a pretty good Paul McCartney song out of that era though, which is cool.
Y’all know the drill. Gonna say stuff. Some of it will make sense. Some of it won’t. You may laugh. You may think I’m outside my mind. But this will be entertaining while you’re in the can or in line at the bank. Do people go to the actual bank anymore? Did I leave the stove on? What day is this? Do you think I’m pretty?
It’s the first BITD edited on the BITD Central HQ’s new computer! Pity it focuses on some frustrating films that The Boys Outta Brooklyn saw from August to October of 2007. Sure, Derrick raves about Shoot ‘Em Up, but then Tom tries to figure out why 30 Days of Night doesn’t thrill him, Derrick bitches about the use of caffeine-cam in The Bourne Ultimatum and both do an intervention for Rob Zombie and his white trash obsessions! There’s only one way to feel our wrath…and that’s by clicking like your life depends on it!