By Jacob Slater
Poor Mel Gibson, things just haven’t been going his way for the last couple of years. After a couple of social faux-pas, including sexually harassing a female police officer after being pulled over for a DUI, claiming that Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world and telling his wife that she should be gangraped by a pack of racial epithets, his star in the Hollywood sky has dimmed considerably. I mean, when your most notable movie film role in recent memory is from Expendendables 3, which is itself notable for being three times shittier than the original, you know shit has turned south for all intents and purposes. You’d think that if you’re the kind of person who thinks a secret cabal of Jewish folk control Hollywood, you probably don’t want to accuse their people of being the basis for world conflict if you’re interested in job security. By the way, if any secret Jewish leader in the film industry is reading this, I totally have no problem with you guys running Hollywood. So if you just happened to have a movie deal or a full scholarship to film school or something just lying around, I’d be more than willing to take it off your hands for you. I also accept cash and money orders.
After proclaiming that he would “sock Asti in his mouth from here on out” last time we spoke to him, Kelen has done nothing of the sort. In fact, over three weeks, he lost more ground to The Buzz-Saw after picking his beloved Hurricanes to upset the still-undefeated Seminoles.
In Week 10, The Hyphen also made the inexplicable choice of choosing Texas Tech over Texas, a move that would have gained him a game on Asti. Instead, he sits 5 games back with 3 weeks to go. Kelen hasn’t spoken to the media since his infamous quote we mentioned above. Here’s an out of context tweet from The Buzz-Saw about the situation.
@bhyphen But you do suck!
— Mike J. Asti (@MikeAsti11) November 18, 2014
Safe to say, Asti is all but assured a third consecutive Golden Keg Championship.
By Jacob Slater
Despite what my writings on the T.O. and my oft-neglected film blog might imply, I actually do more than watch pro wrestling and movies. I’m more of an all-inclusive nerd, and there are many things that I spend my time on while I waste the precious hours of my life. Books, video games, theater, history, music, hardcore pornopgraphy, and as is most relevant to this article, comic books. I’ve been reading comics/graphic novels since I was 12 or so, and I’ve always been fascinated with it as a medium for creative expression and the bizarre characters brought to life within its pages. Although I wouldn’t put myself on the level of my more serious comic book fan friends (check out my bud Alec Berry’s work to see a guy who thinks about the structure of comics far more than I do) I feel like I’ve read enough of the things over the years to know what I like and what I don’t on a somewhat critical level. Especially if it’s written by Alan Moore or Grant Morrison, in which case I’ll probably read it regardless of popular opinion.