Moves Like Curtis: Divisional Weekend 2013!

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We’re now into what many people consider the most exciting week of the football season, and I can see why.  You’ve still get four games over two days like last week, and the teams that are participating in them are true contenders.  There are still the stray lucky teams that squirt through (I’m looking at you, Football Jebus Led Broncos of 2012), but mostly we’re dealing with squads that have their playoff game faces on and know what they’re doing.

Plus these days I usually get the joy of watching The Sucking Black Hole collapse like a house of tissue paper cards.  But we’ll get to that later…

Just a reminder–I’m still looking for superfans to step up and join the MlC Synod of 32 and represent their team in a special project I’m working on with TricycleOffense.com High Pooba Kelen Conley.  I still need a lot of teams represented, so please contact me through the site, or through my Facebook (I use my own name, so it’s not hard to find).

The Games!

Ravens Vs. Broncos (Saturday 4:30 p.m.)

You remember how back in the regular season I said that teams can’t survive on emotion?  Well, that goes out the window with the playoffs, because most of the times emotion is all a team has.

And I think that might be why I’m going to go with the Ravens.  This team knows the emotional center of its franchise right from the start, Ray Lewis, is on his final ride.  Add into the fact that the Ravens are always a much different team in the playoffs and its hard to pick against them…

Even against the New-Look Fetus Head-led Broncos.  Granted, the sheer presence of Fetus Head energizes the offense something fierce…but I don’t think the defense is going to stop the Marlboro Man as effectively as Baltimore’s might stop Denver.  Plus we’ve got that weird, uncanny ability of the Ravens to humiliate those teams in the playoffs that humiliated them in the regular season.  It’s going to be a tight game–expect the differential to be less than a possession–but the Purple and Black will fly outta Mile High ready to contend for the AFC Championship.

Packers Vs. 49ers (Saturday 8:00 p.m.)

And speaking of tough fought games…this one is going to be hard to call.  After puttering through the season like a busted-up old Hyundai, the Pack has been getting hot going into the playoffs, whereas the 49ers seem to have gotten unsteady.

The other thing we need to take into account is the Myth Of The Bye-Week Advantage.  Look at how many Wild Card teams have made–and won–the Super Bowl in recent memories.  I have come to believe that sometimes, especially with certain teams, the Bye-Week actually serves to ice any momentum a team may have going into the playoffs, resulting in a squad that takes the field rusty and out of sorts.  I think this may happen to San Francisco, especially considering that the team is being headed by a quarterback who is relatively inexperienced in the way the playoffs changes the face of the game.

I think the combination of a Green Bay team that’s heating up combined with a San Francisco team that’s been sitting on its ass for an extra week is going to lead to a Packers victory by about a possession and a half.

Seahawks Vs. Falcons (Sunday 1 p.m.)

How ’bout them Seahawks?  This is a truly tough team led by a truly gifted rookie quarterback supported by a gifted running back…and let’s not forget the nightmare of a defensive line and a horrifying secondary.  This is the team that might shock the world something fierce…and how better to shock the world by taking out the Best Team This Season.

But my worry is that Atlanta is just Too.  Damn.  Good.  This is a team that’s been running like a well-design clock, and they’re very adaptable.  I think that this may end up being a slaughter, with the Falcons putting up two possession or more over the ‘Hawks.  But in my heart, I’ll be rooting for Seattle, Russell Wilson, the Legion of Boom and everyone.  And if they win, I will do that silly little horsey PYT dance all over Myrtle Avenue.

Texans Vs. The Sucking Black Hole Of Evil (Sunday 4:30 p.m.)

And speaking of things I want to see that I will most likely not get to see…I love the Texans; they’re the home of one of my favorite non-Jets players, J.J. ‘The Juggernaut’ Watt.  And I dream of seeing J.J. standing over the sacked and rattled corpus of New England’s crybaby quarterback and giving his signature salute to the Foxboro faithful.  I love how Arian Foster can run at will on the stoutest defense, and how Matt Schaub is a passing fool.

…but as much as I hate those navy-and-silver clowns, as much as I want them to go down now, as positive as I am that New England is on the downward side of their bell curve and will not make the Super Bowl this year–or ever again as long as the Sweatshirt is coach (last year was literally luck; if the Steelers were healthy last year, they would have advanced to the Division, trampled all over New England and become the Super Bowl Champs), they will win over Houston.  This is going to be a much rougher game for both sides than last year’s tilts, and there will be a number of lead changes.  But in the end, The Sucking Black Hole will advance to the AFC Championship by one possession–and then go smack into the unpassable wall that will be the Ravens…

…but that’ll be for next week.  Enjoy the games, everyone!

Last Week: 3-1
Season: 153-122-1 (.554)

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