ToC: Scrooged (1988), directed by Richard Donner

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By Jacob Slater

Or, A Very Murray Christmas

I’m not totally up to snuff, or I’m suffering from writer’s block, or my hands have finally caught up to the crap my brain has come up with, so here’s a short article I managed to come up with as my gift to all of you you. No, you can’t return it.

Well it’s that time of year again folks: Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Winter Solstice/Festivus. A time of festivity and joy, where families and friends gather together to enjoy fine foods, exchange gifts with one another, bask in the glow of each other’s company and attempt to not be utterly rancid dicks to each other for at least 24 hours. Or, if you’re the kind of miserable dick that I sometimes tend to be, it’s a disgusting display of consumerism and greed that long since killed any sense of goodwill that the season originally had and replaced it with high suicide rates and naked opportunism. Mostly however, I tend to see Christmas and the assorted other holidays much in the same way I see the life of Batman: Full of childhood trauma, often times drifts into dark places, but ultimately a force for good. If you see any clowns at your Christmas party though, you get the fuck out of there. No good can come of it.

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Trike House Party Blood Feud: Final Standings: Mike “The Buzz-Saw” Asti is your Champion

GraniteCity

Final Standings
Boo B Hyphen (Mike “The Buzz-Saw” Asti):
174-48
Stone Cold Buzz-Saw Killers (Kelen “B Hyphen” Conley):
161-61

The three-peat is completed. Mike “The Buzz-Saw” Asti finished the college football regular season ahead of Kelen “B Hyphen” Conley by 13 correct picks. Kelen didn’t even bother to pick the Week 15 games. When asked why he didn’t choose winners, he said this:

Didn’t he win in Week 5?

Yes, he did Kelen. Yes he did.

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